


Just Me

by gretawhy



Category: NSYNC
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 11:59:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10639398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gretawhy/pseuds/gretawhy





	

"Fuck you, you prick."

You gasp as if you can’t believe those words actually came out of my mouth. For a second, I’m not sure they did. But as I see the smirk you had on your face disappear, I allow myself the slightest tint of satisfaction.

_How are we all doing?_ Oh, very funny. I get it, a play on my different personalities, right?

The smirk comes back as you realize that I remember that. You think I’d forget that you used to tease me about that? How I had a business side, a professional side, a Mr. Hollywood side, a fans side, a family side, yeah, the list just went on and on. You didn’t seem to complain too much about my Josh side, though, did ya?

You prick.

That was my best side, too. Although you seemed to think I had multiple personalities of my damn multiple personalities. And you say _I’m_ the one with the problems.

I haven’t seen you in five years, JC, and you know, seeing you now, I realize that I hardly missed you at all. I saw you walk in, your new bimbo on your arm – even Bobbie couldn’t handle you anymore, I guess – and appraise the room. And then your eyes turned hard, you think you’re the biggest shit here, don’t you? It doesn’t matter that the attention is on your best friend because it’s his wedding, you just care that you’re still Mr. Popular, still have all the attention, while the rest of us are happy behind the scenes, with our somewhat normal lives. Hell, even Justin is normal now that he made an honest woman out of Brit.

"Bitter much?" you ask me.

I laugh scornfully; you do remember the breakup, right? "Whatever, JC."

"Have a nice life, Lance." You turn on your heel and walk away, and I can’t help glancing at your frame as it crosses the room. Haven’t changed there, either.

My mind shifts. Another one of those personalities appear. God, I remember you underneath me, begging me to touch you, begging me to make love to you. I remember the way you used to breathe my name as you came, the way you would run your fingers through my hair when I collapsed on your chest, the way you would oh so gently kiss me goodnight.

The things we used to do, huh, Jayce? I wonder if you remember that time in the hotel elevator? What about in the bathroom of that club? And my personal favorite, the time _I_ actually made _you_ blush when I gave you a blowjob in the limo, the other guys asleep.

I cried for days after we broke up. I couldn’t help it, even though I knew it was for the best, I knew you were a lying, cheating bastard, and I cried. I gave you everything I had. I gave you my heart, my soul, my life, and you just stepped on it without remorse.

I cried a river over you, Joshua Chasez. I only wished you drowned in it.

Look at that, she wants to leave. I’m smirking now, watching you over the rim of my glass, seeing her tug on your sleeve. Can’t she see who you’re talking to? Can’t she see that you’re networking now? It takes everything I have not to start laughing. Persistent little doll, ain’t she?

She probably just wants to score with you in the limo.

Or did you bring your precious car? The little roadster that you were so damn proud to get. Jeep Cherokee my ass, JC. Something that big was too much for you to handle.

I can’t help myself as I go outside, looking for your car. Yep, there it is, in the furthest corner of the lot, away from all the others. What if I keyed it? What if I went over there and threw a rock at the windshield? Would you know it was me?

You know what? You’re not worth it anymore. Suddenly, I want to tell you that. I want you to know that I moved on.

I try to ignore the fact that even though I have moved on, I’ve been obsessing about you for the better part of an hour.

Passing your date on the way inside, I see her heading towards the bathroom. You’re in the coatroom now, perfect.

"Hey, JC."

Rolling your eyes, you ask, "Now what, Lance?"

I shrug, leaning on the doorway, "Just wanted to tell you that I’m over you."

Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise, and a smile twists onto your face. "Good for you." Turning back around, you keep talking, "I was over you five minutes after we broke up."

"You really are a prick, you know that?"

You turn to me, the coats forgotten. "And you’re a prick, a nice guy, a flirt, a tease, a..."

I laugh, "There you go again with that."

"You know, I never told you this, but I couldn’t handle that. I couldn’t handle that you were on one minute and off the next. Do you know how hard it is to be with someone who changed personalities every time he blinked?"

I push myself off the doorway, "I’m not like that!"

"Yes you are! Lance, we’d be in an interview and you’d be _NSYNC Lance_ , the shy guy, the quiet one, the business one. As soon as we’d get in the limo, you’d be _Let’s Have Sex Lance_ , all over me like white on rice. We’d go visit your parents and you’d be _Perfect Son Lance_. As soon as they went to bed, you’d be _Rebellious Lance_ , drinking JD and swearing like a sailor." You cock your head, "God, Lance, what made you like that? Why couldn’t you just ever be yourself?"

I’m angry now. "Maybe because I was sixteen when I got thrown into this! Maybe I wasn’t ready for the fame, the fortune, the success. Maybe because I had millions of girls who wanted to be my wife, and all I ever wanted was you! I couldn’t be me, JC, I had to be what they wanted. How could I ever know who the fuck I was when my whole life was one big act?"

I notice your face soften, "I was there, Lance. I was there to help keep it real."

Shaking my head, I laughed bitterly, "No you weren’t. Every time we’d get into a fight, you’d be off fucking your groupies!"

"You pushed me away! I couldn’t date Sybil, Lance! I couldn’t date someone who’s personality changed with every flick of a light switch!"

Taking a deep breath, and running my fingers through my hair, I turn away. "I was my best with you, you know."

You snorted, "Yeah right."

"It’s true. Even though you were out cheating on me all the time, you brought out the best in me. That’s why we always fought. Did you ever think that if you just once stayed to finish a fight we would have worked it out?" I’m horrified to feel tears behind my eyes, "Shit," I mutter, wiping my face.

I feel you moving closer, "Who are you now, Lance? Right this second, who are you? Are you _Feel Sorry For Me Lance,_ are you _Look At Me Cry, Aren’t I Sensitive Lance_ , or are you _Manipulative Lance_ , just doing this to fuck with my mind?" There’s something in your voice, something that makes me want to hold you, and makes me think you want to do the same.

And I know I’m not anywhere close to being over you. And you’re not anywhere close to being over me. And if I could just be me, just be James, that maybe things could work. If I could just push away all those other people you think I am, those people that I used to be, we could be what we once were. I look up at you, and you’re standing there, staring at me like you used to. Staring at me like I’m going to disappear any minute, staring at me like you just want to serve me up on a platter and ravish me.

And I give you the most honest answer of my life.

"Lucky for you, tonight, I’m just me."

As you smile, our eyes meet, and I know that everything is going to be okay. I know you’ll drop your date and we’ll be together again. This time, it’s for keeps.

Because there’s that one part of me, that hidden personality that’s not going to let you go again. 

 

[Lucky 4 U (Tonight, I'm Just Me](http://www.lyrics007.com/SheDaisy%20Lyrics/Lucky%204%20You%20\(Tonight%20Im%20Just%20Me\)%20Lyrics.html) by SHeDaisy


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